Happy Thanksgiving

..reflecting on the last year there are a lot of things I am thankful for valuable...lesson's have been learned and new insights have been gained and it was with the support of my family, our UVA family and our friends (online and offline) that I am able to spend this year at home...I hope that everyone has a great thanksgiving

Reflection

As I sit here I was reminded again that life is too short…tomorrow is the first year anniversary of lennon’s liver transplant and Saturday will be the first year anniversary for the second transplant…I tell you its been a crazy friggen year, but what I am constantly reminded of through lennon’s ordeal…the not knowing if he will be here tomorrow…life is too short to not fulfill your dreams and follow your heart. Lennon has brought forth valuable lesson's despite the heartache and the pains we have endured.

Lennon is the icon for having a will to live. I often think that at any point...when we didn't know and when we knew...he could have left us on earth...but he fought..his spirit was stronger and is stronger than I have ever seen before. I often hear that he gets that strength from me..due to my own personal life story, but his is more than remarkable to me.
Lennon's diagnosis has encouraged me to pursue my dream career ...a counselor to help children and adolescents...and in 9 months I will have accomplished my degree to pursee that dream. He is a constant reminder to stay true to yourself and true to your heart. Nothing is impossible and everything can be overcome.. you just have to have that will

I have been struggling with the book ..and I assume its because I am still hurting with parts of the pain we have endured, part of it the fear that it can change in an instant ...but I know that I must find closure and at the same time I want other people, people of this earth to know that there is hope despite all the heartache..and that ultimately they are not alone in their journey..somewhere out there...understands

I want to continue to thank the people who have read the blog, commented on the blog to ask questions or simply to give an "internet" hug .. or simple encouragement. Life is easier now but it isn't easy by far..there are still obstacles we need to overcome... but it is one day at a time ..one minute a day... lennon steps... we call them lennon steps

Medication and in the future school

Lennon takes a lot of medication most of them are related to his liver transplant. However, Lennon does have a sleeping disorder in corrolation with behavioral issues and mood swing issues. Last week we went away with the clonodine patch and started a clonodine pill regime that did not work in favor of Lennon. It was a very difficult weekend to get through a Lennon we knew from pre-transplant that made us extremely nervous. He was out of it to say the least, mentally incohorent and just simply not himself. He's speech was out of sorts and even part of his vision appeared impaired, but again I feel that was due to his day medication. So now we changed his medication to something less sedating and that seems to be working a lot better.

On another note, I had a meeting with his school this morning for his elibility meeting but also discussing how to incorporate him back into the school setting. We decided that pre-holiday he would start participating in short acitivities and festivities so that after the holidays (January 4th or 5th) he will start school just like everyone else. This is important for his development in socialization but also academically as Lennon is extremely behind since he lost a year of school in addition to his already developmentally delay. I think Lennon will really like it, be less bored and not so lonely.

In December (the 4th) Lennon's gastro-tube will be replaced with a different type. This one will not stick out 10 inches from his side but be more flush against his stomach (called a button)which will be good and perhaps easier on Lennon. Though I must say he takes really good care of his tube and pays very good attention to it when he's active.

Ch-Ch-Changes

I must tell you that Lennon is doing remarkably well, rotten ( in a good way I suppose) to the core. He is gentle, loving, kind, considerate. He is also manipulative, moody, demanding. He loves cartoons and video games and thinks that by not playing video games he's bored.. ha I just described most 6 year olds, didn't I? Lennon has matured on some levels which is positive in his recovery, but clearly in some areas he's lacking the 6 year old knowledge, and those are the things I fear will not recover or it will be a long long time.

It is nice to have the ability to 'relax' a little these days without having to be overly concerned over the ammonia, or an infection. However, we do have to continue to worry about bleeding which appears in many ways: a bruise that keeps getting bigger and bigger or as it stands right now a cut on his lip he keeps picking on that keeps bleeding. Last night he coughed and I was worried he'd choke on a blood clot. It is nerv' wrecking sometimes because just when you think, yes we are ok...nope something creeps up to let you know to be on guard.

To top it off Lennon is once again dealing with a cold (thanks to our virginia weather) and its taking him extra long time to get rid of it. The first few days he slept A LOT and then slowly improving with his symptoms.

Another development that isn't a development is his sleeping issues...again Lennon goes to bed at 8 (because he says he's ready and its a good bedtime :o) but is often up til 10 p.m. til midnight or sometimes even later. We are not sure often what to do because his medication works on some days, but it doesn't work on other days. His insomnia of course is keeping his brother awake who must get sleep for school. It's still tough at time, but I am happy to say they are better.

I noticed that my stress and worry level are not as elevated as their used to be and now I continue to the routine but I feel on a different level than before.

I don't know if I will blog tomorrow, but tomorrow is the day that we received the call that Lennon was placed on top of the liver transplant list. The rules were simple, call them if Lennon is sick, if we are out of town or what have you. I remember casually talking about it to other folks, saying yea we can get the call any day...and we waited to me ..it happened yesterday the wounds are still raw from the heartache and yes misery that Lennon had to endure, and certainly I experienced.... but I am grateful and humbled by the experience...

Adventure

Today we are doing something we haven't done in awhile ~ heading to Blue Ridge Parkway for some hiking, playing and being outdoors kind of fun. We love to head out there, find us a trail and let the kids loose. Lennon used to really enjoy that until his ammonia had gotten the better of him. It seems like forever since we were able to do things as a family and with the kids out of school, well there wasn't any better day. it does look like rain so we hope it holds off ~ if not well we'll find something else that doens't involve the house :o)

Stay tuned as I will update this post later with the events of the day.

P.S. Did you know that October 2008 was the month Lennon was placed on the transplant list?

How things are

Now that Lennon is doing well, I find that I am less blogging as we are busy with normal life stuff! This is good but doesn't mean life isn't still challenging and instilled with worries and fears. The past few weeks, Lennon has been doing extremely well. We note there are good days and bad days when it comes to his mood and behavior and the wonder is if its related to how he is feeling. The other day as I was getting in the process of getting ready for an event, Lennon and I went shopping. I recall the days (before we knew what was wrong) where I was resistant and hesitant to take him with me because of the behavioral issues or the vomiting or whatever may have occured. These days however, hanging out with Lennon is charming, fun and filled with happiness. He shares his thoughts (to the best of his ability), sings songs, is amazed by the items one can find at K-Mart. As we were walking through the ailes, he exclaimed : wow mom this stuff is fancy. He wants to help push the cart, he wants to stand on the cart to be pushed, he wants to touch everything and take everything in. I remember days where I did not want my children touching everything but as Lennon is exploring the world, I am recognizing his will to live. However, for him to conceptualize living without regret does not happen as that is not in his vocabulary. He simply lives life to the fullest without worrying about tomorrow or anything else. I struggle with this concept as I am still with fear of setbacks. We still struggle with coagulation issues in which he could bleed at any time, we still watch for bruising, checking his temperature, blood pressure just like he was in the hospital. However, none of it has brought him down. We can slowly see the flower blossoming that has waited to grow for so long.

These days Lennon looks forward to his physical therapy and his school teachers. There isn't a day he doesn't ask to find out if his teacher is coming. The thirst of knowledge in him has emerged and he absorbs the information. The hungry caterpillar currently is his favorite book to read and he can tell you the story from beginning to end. However, some things are still apparent. When he is done learning or working, he will let them know. I AM DONE, and if they do not acknowledge this the first time: I AM DONE I SAID. Clearly, he continous to know himself the best.

Sometimes its an eerie feeling when we recall the stress and worries that he endured and we lived in the past two years. Just a year ago, about this time, we made the decision to go through with the liver transplant and we didn't dare dream about the months that followed. November 18th will be a bitter-sweet day and so will be the 21st as the memory is fresh in our memories as if it happened yesterday. And yet I do find that we smile and laugh more, that despite life struggles we are able to enjoy what live has given us, which is live.

As I live in the small town I am in awe of people and still grateful to the friends we have made and are still making. Sure what our family has endured is no small feat and the fact that my other half has to work three jobs to make a living and provide for us is tremendously stressful and doesn't leave much room for leisure. But we don't complain and yet we constantly hear: I don't know how you all do it. We do what needs to be done with the cards that were dealt to us. We are focused on our family each and every child, as a whole and as partners. There is no question about our unity, nor is there any question for the love we have for each other.

My heartfelt thanks to the individual who continues to spread Lennon' story, who has accepted his fate to what it may be...you will forever be in our hearts and hold a special place in our family.

Lessons from Lennon ~ one on one

Lesson 1

Me: Are you ready for bed?

Lennon: Maybe

Me: What does that mean?

Lennon: that's english mom!



Lesson 2



Me: Are you ready for bed?

Lennon: In four minutes

Me: In four minutes?

Lennon: that's what I said